LeccaLecca
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Ah, Lovi, wait! Don't!" "Fwancis, what's fruk mean?" Pure crack and boys in dresses.


**Oh my gosh, I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this... I blame the cold medicine my mom has been making me take...**

**Warning: Crackish as hell and no historical accuracy whatsoever...**

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Lecca-Lecca

Lovino was not pleased with his 'family' at all. He was angry and pouting and simply pissed off in general. And it was all his stupid brother's fault. If the idiot had not wanted to show Ludwig his new outfit from Elizaveta, he - a four year old _boy_ - would not be sitting in a dress designed for someone who clearly enjoyed showing the world what kind of undies they wore, about to perform an idiotic dance that Antonio had insisted he do. Of course, if only to make his life more torturous, Feliciano, Alfred, and a boy - or maybe girl - clutching a bear had to do the ridiculous dance as well.

Antonio giggled and cooed at the children, glad to have such cute kids to watch over and proud of how quickly they had managed to learn their routine. Lovino was hiding behind his leg, glaring at Feliciano as the boy spun in circles in front of a blushing Ludwig. Francis was trying to get Alfred to stop pulling Matthew's dress up - Arthur had refused to attend the little show, stating it was humiliating and ridiculous for boys to dress as girls, so Alfred was bored without his big brother to annoy. Matthew was slowly wriggling his way away from Alfred, who was now bickering with Francis about wanting to see his brother's strawberry undies, and over to Gilbert. Gilbert smiled happily at the child's company and pulled him into his lap, ruffling the boy's short waves and barely avoiding the polar bear's teeth as they sought to determine whether or not the pale man was edible.

"Lovi, go play with Feli and Ludwig." Antonio lifted Lovino into his arms, gently smoothing the wrinkles in his skirt from where small hands had clenched it.

"Dun wanna. Feli's stupid and Ludwig is a bastard pervert." Lovino puffed out his cheeks in annoyance, completely blinding Antonio to the fact that he had just used word he was not even supposed to know existed.

"Lovi… You're so cute~! Now go play with your brother and don't hurt Ludwig this time."

Lovino puffed his cheeks out further, crossing his arms as well. It hadn't been his fault the jerk-potato had fallen into the pit. He'd only pushed him a little bit. It was his fault for holding Feliciano's hand anyway. And for being a jerk potato. Those stitches hadn't even hurt much, Ludwig hadn't even cried. Though Feliciano had…quite a lot actually. He had thought Ludwig was going to die. They all got pasta and gelato though, so it had been worth it.

"Lovi! Lovi! Ve, look at my dress!" Feliciano ran over as Lovino was placed on the ground, dragging Ludwig behind him and smiling like the moron he was. It wasn't as if his dress was any different than the others - it was the same black with pink sparkles - but he was far more comfortable in it than the other boys. Well, except Alfred, but he only wanted to add a cape to his.

"Yeah, yeah, great idiot. Now let go of the pervert potato before you get sick." Lovino tried to pull Feliciano away from Ludwig, but Feliciano dug his feet into the ground and pulled back. Ludwig simply watched patiently, wondering how Lovino knew the same words as his big brother. His grandpa had told him not to repeat after Gilbert because he was a bad influence.

"Ve? Lovi, why are you such a meany?! Can't we just be friends?" Fat tears rolled down Feliciano's cheeks and he wiped them away with the hand that was still clenched in Ludwig's. The blond stared at Feliciano nervously, not sure how to deal with a crying boy in a dress. Lovino, on the other hand, seemed in favor of ignoring the tears and continued to drag Feliciano away from Ludwig until Francis came and snatched the crying boy from the ground to hug him close and coo in French.

Feliciano instantly stopped crying in favor of giggling at Francis while Lovino pouted and kicked his feet, 'accidentally' hitting a relieved looking Ludwig.

"Mes amis, I believe we should start our show now, before anyone gets hurt." He glanced at Lovino who glared up at him before looking at Gilbert who was fast asleep with Matthew curled up in his lap. "Or falls asleep."

"Ah, si si!" Antonio smiled cheerfully, poking Gilbert's cheek to wake him up and leaving him to wake Matthew himself. Lovino instantly attached himself to Antonio's leg again, knowing he had to follow him anyway.

Alfred ran over, pulling Matthew and Feliciano with him and grinning like an idiot.

"Hey! Hey! Are we gonna start now? Are we?! Oh! Can I have a burger after?! Pwetty pwease?" Matthew glanced tiredly at his brother as if he dealt with him too often. Alfred ignored him, instead bouncing around excitedly.

"Si, we're starting now. I just need the lollipops… Ah, here they are!" Antonio handed each boy a large, pink lollipop, each about the same size as they were. Lovino glared at it. He had forgotten about that part. Stupid Antonio and his stupid ideas.

He gripped the prop as if it was a weapon - though it had been used as one more than once in practice; Alfred had gotten scolded by Arthur for hitting Matthew with his and then again for hitting Arthur and calling him a fascist pig, whatever that was. As everyone took their seats, Antonio sitting in the back with Elizaveta and her camera, Lovino glanced at his brother who was already dancing with excitement - or he really had to go the bathroom - Alfred joining him in his dance, while…the other Alfred simply stared at Gilbert with a sleepy look and a slight flush in his cheeks.

The music started, signaling for them to begin their routine. Lovino counted in his head as he moved. _Back, front, right left, turn, dip. _He tried to ignore the clicking of a shutter as he dropped his lollipop, clasped hands with Feliciano and spun around. After their spins, everyone picked up their lollipops again, continuing the simple steps. Everyone except Lovino, who had lost sight of his lolly and was now searching for it, his pout growing and blush deepening by the second. Of course, his amazing luck winning out, Lovino couldn't find his lolly and decided to cross his arms and glare at Antonio as if it was all his fault, as the other three continued their dance - though Alfred seemed the only one still doing anything close to the actual dance. Feliciano had stopped and started crying because he had wet himself and Matthew was moving slowly and was several steps behind as he started to fall asleep again. Alfred was adding moves to his dance, posing as some superhero or another.

By the time the others had finished, Lovino was sitting on the floor with watery eyes and was blink rapidly to keep himself from crying. The adults applauded, awing and cooing at how cute they all had been. Feliciano was attached to Ludwig again - Elizaveta having helped him change - Alfred was trying to steal Elizaveta's camera to steal the pictures, and Matthew had taken to hiding in Gilbert's arms while he patted a small chick that had decided to nest in the albino's hair.

Antonio found Lovino, picking him up and kissing each red cheek happily. "Oh, Lovi! You were so cute! Even if you did mess up, your pouting face is adorable!" He ignored the little fists that hit him as he cuddled the struggling child closer. "You looked just like a tomato!"

Lovino huffed, turning his head just in time to see his brother place a kiss on the demon German's cheek. Ludwig blushed furiously as Feliciano hugged him and began to chatter about one thing or another.

"Down! Down!" Lovino kicked and pushed at Antonio's arms and chest.

"Alright, but play nice." Antonio let him go, only to have him run away to pick up one of the discarded lollipops. "Ah, Lovi, wait! Don't!"

Too late. Lovino hit Ludwig over the head with the lollipop, breaking it in half and causing Feliciano to start crying and Gilbert to burst into fits of laughter at Ludwig's stunned face.

"Stay the fuck away from Feli, potato bastard!"

Gilbert fell to the floor, a startled Matthew watching him curiously, as Lovino was led out of the room by Antonio, yelling something about protecting his brother's innocence.

Francis sighed about l'amour as Alfred tugged on his pant leg.

"Fwancis, what's fruk mean?"

Francis joined Gilbert on the floor.

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**And this is why TV is very bad when you're sick... It gives you ideas about boys dressed as girls... Okay, I kinda liked that... And I know most four year olds can't speak in complete sentences, but I have a feeling that the nations were way smarter than human kids. Yeah head!canon here...**

**I hope someone gets my little crack at Iggy in there, with the guys dressed as girls. And the fruk, I actually use that so I don't curse as much (I have the mouth of Gil and Lovi's love child if they got drunk with Iggy). **

**A website told me lollipop is Italian is lecca-lecca, so I used it. Still, I fail at Italian right now so any better suggestions would be great...  
**


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